I long for the days when people could discuss issues in an open and respectful way. It was understood that views may differ. However, it was often possible to find a middle ground. Why? People were motivated to understand what other people thought and why.
Today we are faced with many issues, new and old: political polarity, workplace disagreements, and cultural differences can feel insurmountable. The divide is simply too wide.
The real cause may be our own echo chambers, where we cling to our own thinking and surround ourselves with only like-minded people. As my Grandfather Grehan used to say, “Harry, life is much simpler if you only understand your side of the story.” 😂😂
It’s impossible to gain a perspective outside of ourselves and our personal biases unless we make an effort to listen to varied opinions, especially those perspectives and viewpoints that differ significantly from our own.
This requires genuine humility, which is one of my four principles of values-based leadership. We shouldn’t presume to know everything. We should be open to learning and expect to have our opinions shaped by discourse with others. We are open to change our minds if another perspective makes more sense.
If someone’s views and opinions are different from mine, I try not to respond with, “I don’t understand what you’re saying.” That statement serves to ensure that no middle ground will be found.It’s simply another way of saying “I don’t want to understand ” It shuts the door to further discourse and discovery.
I was in a board meeting recently when someone said, “Harry, I don’t understand.” At that point I stopped the meeting. I asked the board member “would you like to understand? If so, I am happy to explain my view and it is fine if you’d like to disagree. Just don’t say I don’t understand.” it is clear that whenpeople say they don’t understand, they often don’t want to understand.
Instead of being deadlocked in not understanding, we should take the time to discuss our views and perspectives. This isn’t a case of compromise, but of clarity.
This can lead to further conversation and the possibility of finding common ground. The discussion, itself, however, is the real goal—beyond whether either person’s opinion ever changes. What each party does develop, though, is what I call a balanced perspective—understanding one’s own views as well as the opinions, experiences, and rationale of others.
A balanced perspective is both the process and the goal. It is ongoing, with the willingness to keep listening, engaging, and learning from others. This is what Adam Grant, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania Wharton Business School, discusses in his book, Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know.
Grant explores what he calls the art of rethinking. He describes it as learning to question one’s own opinions, while also opening other people’s minds. The result, he says, is excellence at work and wisdom in life. In the current political environment,
We need this skillset more than ever.
When we take the time to gather information from multiple and different sources, we are more likely to cultivate a balanced perspective. In some cases, we will adhere to our original viewpoints, but with greater context knowing how and why other people feel differently. And there will be times when we expand, adjust or even change our views.
This is the path of the values-based leader. The world is too complex and change is happening too quickly for a one-dimensional view of what we have always thought. Our values do not change on a whim, but our thinking about those values and how they apply in the world can evolve.
That does not mean sacrificing your values in order to make things easy or more profitable. Leaders need to be understanding of others with differing views, but not swayed by whichever way the wind blows.
Most important, values-based leaders understand why the winds are swirling so much these days and how to adjust their sails. I repeat the word Saint Francis several times a day: “ I seek to understand before I am understood.” 😊👍🙏
Header Photo: St Francis Mural with the Wolf of Gubbio by Jim McIntosh via Flickr (CC BY 2.0)
