Three Days of Silence Every December: Why and What Do I Do?

OK, first why:
There is one thing that is very clear to me: Every one of us has only 168 hours each week (some refer to it as 24/7) 😂

The challenge is that we have way more things we would like to do than the time to do them in. Since most of us are conscientious, the reaction to the lack of time is to go faster and faster, often attempting to multitask. The challenge with this is that we usually begin to confuse activity and productivity. We are definitely more active, but how productive are we? Or are we going so fast we don’t even have time to figure out how productive we are?

I always use my favorite clip from “I love Lucy” to summarize the craziness of day-to-day life:

I believe the answer to the continuous chaos is to simply slow down, turn off the phones and devices, get off by yourself to a quiet place, and ask yourself a series of important questions:

I started my three-day silent retreats at the Demontreville Jesuit Retreat House in Lake Elmo, Minnesota 40 years ago with my (future) father-in-law, Tom Jansen. Tom had attended the retreat for many years, and he made sure I had the “opportunity” to do so as well before marrying his daughter, Julie. I was not sure what I was getting myself into, but I definitely owe him a great deal of gratitude for introducing me to this wonderful experience.

To say that attending these silent retreats has had a big impact on my life is definitely an understatement. It may be hard to believe that a guy who loves to talk can even stay silent for three days, but I do it. These truly are the three most important days of the year for me, and I’ve been attending these retreats almost every year for the last 40 years. In past years, I have flown in to St. Paul, Minnesota from all around the world on this same weekend to make sure I arrive Thursday night at 6:30 PM for the start of the retreat. It may seem odd that I go every December right before Christmas. Interestingly enough, that is why Tom suggested we go at that time. Many people in December are running around, putting up decorations, and buying presents, but often forgetting what the real purpose of Christmas is — preparing for the birth of Jesus.

OK, I will admit that there is one drawback: December in Minnesota can be a little chilly. Here’s yesterday’s weather forecast:

Nonetheless, it truly is worthwhile. Despite the cold, I always take walks. I always stop by the statue of Saint Ignatius of Loyola because I love the quote from the gospel of Saint Matthew: “What doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his own soul?”

Second, what do I do on these retreats?

The beauty is that it provides me the gift of three days without any distractions from phone calls, email, text, social media, and talking. It is amazing how clearly you can think when free from all these distractions.

It provides me a time to pray, take walks around the grounds by the lake, and listen to a series of talks given by one of the Jesuits to help me focus on some of the important things in life. In my case, how can I be a better spouse, a better parent, a better teacher, a better friend, a better board member, and a better human being?

It gives me the opportunity to develop my plan for the next year and take 15 minutes each night during the year to do a personal self examination of where I’m doing well, and where I need to improve.

I truly do not expect many of you to suddenly decide to go on three-day silent retreats, but I do recommend that you find some quiet time each day, even if only for five or 10 minutes, to reflect on what really matters in your life and whether your actions are consistent with your values, purpose, and goals.

Here’s wishing all of you happy holidays, including merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy New Year!!!👍😁🥰