As many of you know, more than 40 years ago I was asked by my then-girlfriend’s father, Tom Jansen, to attend a weekend retreat at the Demontreville Jesuit Retreat House in Lake Elmo, Minnesota. Since I liked his daughter, and I had no idea what a retreat was, I thought: What do I have to lose?
What I didn’t realize was that it would be three full days, and I certainly had no idea it was a SILENT retreat. For a guy like me who loves to talk, that struck me as borderline impossible. I have been told many times I cannot keep quiet for even three minutes. 🤣🤣 Nonetheless, I somehow did manage to complete the three-day retreat in silence, and it turned out to be one of the most important events in my life.
As a follow up to the retreat, I married Tom’s daughter, Julie, and I have attended this annual retreat every year in the first week of December.
I have included in previous blog posts the questions I ask myself during these annual retreats, as well as the daily questions I ask nightly as part of my personal self examination: The Questions I Ask Myself
One question I am always asked is, what’s the importance or value of the retreat being in silence? My opinion is that it is absolutely critical. Most of us spend our lives running around nonstop trying to accomplish hundreds of activities, and I think it is easy to confuse activity and productivity. Yes, we are very active, but how productive are we?
I see an enormous benefit of actually taking a timeout, slowing down, turning off the computers and cell phones, and asking yourself what really matters in your life. For me, the silence enables me to truly listen to what God is trying to tell me, rather than me doing the talking.
In my Kellogg classes, I refer to this idea of silently thinking about what is really important as the principle of SELF REFLECTION. The key idea is that by being self reflective we can actually become self-aware and truly know ourself. For individuals who want to be leaders, I am convinced that you cannot possibly lead other people if you cannot lead yourself, and you cannot lead yourself, if you don’t know yourself.
I believe this process is critically important regardless if you are a person of faith or not.
For me, it is an important opportunity to really get in close contact with my faith. As stated in Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” As summarized on a sheet in my room at the Retreat house, “To be alone with God and silent prayer is to never be lonely, but to be comforted in the quiet assurance and embrace of our maker.”
I find it very helpful to unplug from the daily craziness and truly focus on what really is important. What really does matter in my life? Do I have things in the right balance? Am I spending enough time on the things that I believe really are important? Have I made the mistake of letting my job become my identity? Have I become overly focused on materialism?
That last question reminds me of something my father told me when I was a young boy. I don’t know whether it was his quote, or whether he was quoting someone else, but he asked me, “Harry, have you ever seen a hearse going to a cemetery with a U-Haul attached to it?” When I asked what he was referring to, he said “Harry, many people must think they can take all of these material things with them when they die, or they’re gonna live forever. If you realize neither of those two things are true, what are you doing with all of this stuff?”
As you can tell, I am in a very self reflective mood since I just finished my retreat this weekend. I really believe it is worth reflecting on these questions.
To help get you in a self-reflective mood, here is one of my favorite quotes attributed to the American humorist Mark Twain:
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
Here’s wishing you a week with a little bit of self reflection! 👍😁
