I just concluded my annual three-day, silent retreat at the Demontreville Jesuit Retreat House in St. Elmo, Minnesota, and I thought it would be helpful to explain why I take the time to do this each and every year. On the first day of my Northwestern Kellogg values-based leadership classes each quarter, I explain to my students that I believe you cannot lead other people until you gain the ability to lead yourself. This leads to a discussion of the need to become self reflective so you can become self-aware. I highlight the importance of self reflection to a leader by asking three questions:

  1. If I am not self reflective, is it possible to know myself?
  2. If I don’t know myself, is it possible to lead myself?
  3. If I can’t lead myself, is it possible to lead other people?

Focusing on these three questions usually results in students asking me a personal question: “What do YOU do to practice self reflection?”

Given the nonstop busy-ness of the world, where it is sometimes difficult to distinguish between activity and productivity, I find it extremely helpful to take time when I can remove myself from the noise and distractions of day-to-day life and focus on what is really important.

I use the three days of silence to focus on what I believe are several very important questions:

  1. What are my values?
  2. What is my purpose on this earth?
  3. What REALLY matters?
  4. What kind of leader do I want to be?
  5. What kind of example do I want to set for everyone with whom I interact?

I believe these are very important questions that I must ask myself as a Christian. However, I believe these questions are equally important for anyone, regardless of your religious or spiritual beliefs.

I realized long ago that I am not capable of focusing on these questions when I’m doing a lot of other things at the same time. I find the ability to remove all distractions and really concentrate extremely helpful. It is important to understand the difference between activity and productivity. Many of us are very active, but how productive are we? Have we confused activity and productivity?

Taking the time to focus on these questions on an annual basis has had an enormous impact on my life. I have mentioned in previous posts that I owe a large debt of gratitude to Tom Jansen, my father-in-law, who encouraged me to participate in my first retreat 40 years ago. While these retreats take place 47 weekends a year, we have always participated in the retreat held the first weekend in December. Why? Because it is the time of year when many people start focusing on purchasing presents and running around without often understanding the true meaning of Christmas. I feel that every year when I complete the retreat I am totally refreshed and well prepared to focus on how to make improvements in my life for the following year.

People often tease me about how much I like to talk, and they find it amazing that I am capable of not talking at all for three days. I must admit that not only do I appreciate the total silence of these three days every year, they are my favorite three days of the year!!!

I certainly do not expect all of you to start participating in an annual three-day silent retreat. However, as I explain to my Kellogg students, I do believe if you want to achieve a rewarding life with true “life balance,” I highly recommend spending some time in silence, reflecting on what really is most important in your life.

Here’s wishing you, your families, and your loved ones a blessed holiday season from the entire Kraemer family.

Balance | Blog | Self Reflection